Wow. Almost 3 years since I was last here... Time to turn the lights on and have a look around here...
Last time here, I wished for less death and illness among for family and friends. Well, that didn't really happen. That's the part of growing older that sucks. You just never know where and when someone's time on this earth is up. So, you gotta live accordingly, right? Take less stuff for granted, and appreciate what you've got while you've got it. That includes friends, family and your health.
I guess the thought of 'time's up' has been on my mind lately. A lot.
I've lost track of all my hospital appointments. For 16 years now, I'm just told to be at this hospital or that hospital for whatever date and I go.
It's not something I talk about much. Probably because it's embarrassing. Although I grew up in a very loving family, we just didn't talk about personal stuff like health issues.
For the last 16 years, I've dealt with no less than 12 different doctors and had one surgery, with another surgery coming up.
Apparently there isn't a specific name for what I've got, other than 'chronic testicular pain'.
A few times every day, I get the feeling that I've been kicked between the legs. Ya, you read that right.
Sometimes these pain attacks last 30 seconds, sometimes 3 hours or more. No drug even touches that pain. I just have to ride it out.
But now, these attacks are happening more frequently and with longer duration. So much so that it's effecting my quality of life.
Doctor #12 says "1 in 25 males have this". I actually replied "bullshit"!. If that was the case, I'd see other guys in my circle of family and friends walking around like me trying to hide the 'Frankenstein's monster' limp that this pain can cause.
Some of my friends know because I've had to tell them. It gets hard hiding that pain face, or the awkward walk when I have one of these attacks. So, I end up having to explain myself. Which gets to be embarrassing. Still not really comfortable about talking about Dr.Tugnut or Dr.Needleballs. It's just something I don't want to talk about. Maybe that's the problem? No one is talking about their often debilitating pain. Just try and hide it. Grin and bare it. Soldier through it.
The next surgery is to remove nerves on the left side, which might help. The doctor says 75% chance of successfully stopping the pain. I'm taking that chance. I can deal with the 'numbnuts' jokes. Just take away this $#%*ing pain.
This is just my outlet in my little corner of the interweb. I guess you really never know what's going on behind the scenes with someone. Doesn't really feeling better talking/writing about what my wife and I call "Lefty"; but maybe someone else has a similar pain. Let's discuss! We can be PainPals!
I see society starting to have a shift. People talking about mental illness much more openly. That's cool. People need to know what others are going through. Maybe this is similar? I had that thought when the doctor was telling me how frequent this is in men. Then why the heck is no one talking?
So, if you see me walking 'funny' or with a bit of a grimace that looks like I'm in pain... now you know, it's just "Lefty" acting up. Maybe, by the time I see you, I'll have had the surgery, it'll be a success and I can just delete this post... 😃
