Eddie Money (Edward Joseph Mahoney Mar.21,1949 – Sept.13,2019)

   Eddie Money passed away today.  He was always one of my favourite entertainers.  Top 5 for sure.  I saw him a few times over the years.  Often by myself.  One of those... 'no one wants to go? ... fine, I have no problem going by myself'.  In the fall of 1986 he played The Copa in Toronto.  No one was interested.  I left work, went to the show, slept on a park bench, and went back to work.  No regrets.  I always thought   Eddie put on a heck of a show.

   I guess my favourite Eddie Money memory is from back in 2002.  I drove to Kingsport Tennessee to see him.  I got there, and the guy at the gate said "Eddie Money didn't show up, sorry."  Eddie was on the bill with 38 Special.  So, it's ended up being an extra long 38 Special concert.  Good show, but not Eddie.

   I was extremely disappointed.  Still in Tennessee, the next day I stopped in to the local library (2002 was long before smart phones were so commonplace) and hopped on one of their computers.  After some creative Googling, I found the email address for Eddie's manager.  I wrote him a sort of angry letter, asking why Eddie was a no-show, as no information was giving at the concert venue other than he just didn't show up.


   Eddie's manager forwarded my email to Eddie himself and I got the following reply.

From: Eddie Money 
To: Dave 
Sent: Saturday, July 27, 2002, 10:48:57 AM EDT
Subject: Re: Eddie on tour

Hey Dave,

Sorry you drove so far to find out the show was canceled.  My mother passed away.  The tour is going to continue, but under the circumstances, I did have to cancel a few shows.  We are playing in Buffalo tonight, hope you can make it; I'd love to meet such a dedicated fan!  I sure wish we got to play in Canada a little more often.  


Keep Shakin'
Eddie Money


   His mom passed away?  Well, that's why he didn't show.   I felt like an idiot.  I was embarrassed that I had written that angry email.  Lessen learned.  Don't assume what's going on when the artist doesn't show up for a gig.

   So, I drove to Buffalo for the show.  It was an outdoor event on the street.   At the end of the soundcheck I walked up to the stage area and yelled, Eddie!  I'm the guy from the email!.   He pointed at me and said.  "You!  Get over here!"  Then he asked security to let me through.

   I apologized profusely for the email.  He laughed it off; saying there was no way I could have known.  We chatted for awhile, he signed my t-shirt, and gave me a signed cd, and I went back to my place at the front of the stage.  Great show as always!

   All his albums have been in my regular rotation.  Never stopped digging his music.  To me, he was one of the greats.

Rest in Peace Eddie Money.

Emotional Pain Part #2

So, my blog post earlier this year (Emotional Pain Part #1) dealt with my wife and I kinda being screwed over by Toronto's Children's Aid Society back in 2010 with regards to adopting a child.

Fast forward to March of 2017... 

My wife and I were out at a legion singing karaoke and we bump into an acquaintance we hadn’t seen in many years.   While chatting and catching up she asked if we ever adopted.  She mentions she remembers us wanting to adopt a child back in the day.  We tell her that it didn’t happen, and she asks if we’re still interested in adoption; because she knows of a 10 year old girl that needs help.  My wife and I go home and discuss…

Well, our life has changed a bit since we last tried. Jobs and finances are stable enough, we have the space, and we still have that desire to help a child in need.  After much discussion, we decide to find out a little more about this 10 year old girl.

We meet up again a couple more times with this acquaintance from years gone by, and get more details on this girl.   The acquaintance asks us if we’d like to meet the girl.  We decide, yes.  Turns out the girl has weekend time with her brother on Saturdays and they go to Chuck E Cheese.  We were told to head over that Saturday and she’ll be with a social worker who can introduce us. 

We go.  Everything works out as planned.  We meet the girl.  Vanessa.  What a delight!  We watch the girl interact with the other children, and she’s so friendly and polite.  She ends up coming over and the social worker introduces us.  She sits down with us and starts digging right into our pizza.  We have laughs write away.  I mean instantly.  I had my phone out and she saw the Snapchat app, she asked about it, and I told her I honestly don’t know how to use it.  She said she’d show me and grabbed my phone.  I still have those Snapchat pictures and videos on my phone. 

We ended going to Chuck E Cheese a couple more times.  Meeting with this acquaintance afterwards for a little more in-depth discussion.   My wife and I agreed that we had lots to offer this girl and wanted to proceed with the adoption process. 

Turns out, this girl had been taken from her home by the Children’s Aid Society for a couple of reasons, and was in the process of becoming what they call a “crown ward”.  She was currently living with a foster family and this lady acquaintance was trying to help Vanessa find a ‘forever home’ before she became a crown ward. 

During one of our meetings with this lady acquaintance, while she was talking to my wife, I starting questioning all this in my head.  Something just didn’t add up.    Then it dawned on me… This lady, this acquaintance is Vanessa’s mother!  

We confronted her, and indeed that was the case.  CAS took her daughter away and was granted ‘no access’.  That complicated things a little, but nothing we thought we couldn’t handle.

‘In a nutshell’ … this lady had lost her child to CAS and wanted to keep tabs on her.  Once the child became of crown ward, Vanessa would be lost in the system.  If Vanessa was adopted by us, she’d know where she is.

Still, we decided to proceed, with caution.  Bottom line was there still was a girl that needed help and we were in a position to help her. 

We had a lawyer draft a letter of our intentions to the Children’s Aid Society.   Since we knew this lady, there was a possibility of a bit of fast tracking through their kith/kinship program. 

CAS contacted us, and we were assigned a case worker.  Our case worker was awesome.  Friendly, helpful and we really felt she ‘had our backs’ on this.  Over a few meetings with our case worker, more information was shared.  The reasons were a little more serious as to why Vanessa was taken from her home.  It had already been to court and the judge determined that Vanessa should be kept far away from her mother, indefinitely.   Our worker also agreed that we were ideal candidates to adopt this girl.  We passed the home inspection easily.  We had to apply for police background checks.  No problem.  The more we talked with our worker, the more we were determined this girl needs help and we were the ones that were going to help her. 

We asked to meet with Vanessa’s CAS worker.  That request got put on the back burner as Vanessa was changing social workers. 

We met up a couple more times with Vanessa, even had her visit our home briefly.  She didn’t know at the time, we wanted to adopt her.  It wasn’t for us to tell her.  Her worker would ease her into that situation at the appropriate time. 

Things slowed down quite a bit at the end of April, when my wife and I went on vacation.  We met up with our CAS rep when we got back.

We felt it odd that we still hadn’t met with Vanessa’s work yet.  Our CAS rep was still trying to get that meeting for us.   Turns out Vanessa’s case worker and the ‘higher ups’ and Children’s Aid were slowing down the process on purpose.  There were afraid that because we knew Vanessa’s mother, we couldn’t protect her appropriately.  We assured them that wasn’t the case.  If CAS gives the condition not to give the mother access, then that’s what we do.  We would play by whatever rules they laid out.  If the mother shows up causing trouble, the police get called and the take her away.  We were confident we could handle it, but CAS kept dragging it out and slowing things down.   

In the meantime, we were invited to Vanessa’s birthday and the home of her brother.  My wife had to work, so I went alone.  She remembered me and we had fun playing Pokemon Go and Minecraft.  I was starting to get that rapport with her that I wanted. 

At the same visit, this social worker shows up with all kinds of gifts for Vanessa.  Turns out, all these gifts were from her mother.  The social worker would pass the gift to Vanessa and say something like “This is from your old teacher!”  Or this is from Bobby down the street”.  But it was all bullshit.  When Vanessa’s worker found out the mother was passing gifts along through this social worker, CAS panicked and said no more visits by anyone.  Even though we had nothing to do with these fake gifs, we got shut out.

So, we have our CAS rep go back and try to explain we didn’t know about these fake gifts and her mother’s manipulation.  She believed us; but the ‘higher ups’ at CAS wouldn’t listen.

So, we got shut out, and it was all put on hold.  For months.  We’d lost all momentum and traction we had.  The rapport was gone. 

Mid-December 2017, we get a call from our rep saying it’s over.  CAS has decided not to move forward with us adopting Vanessa.  We had a pretty sad Christmas that year.  Actually, the saddest ever.  We were told earlier that we’d have Vanessa by then, so we were looking forward Christmas with her.  My wife’s mother passed away that fall.  So, Christmas that year had neither of those special people we thought we’d celebrate with. 

But wait, there’s more…

Mid-January, we get a call from our CAS rep!   Vanessa’s case worker wants to meet with us!  Well, we find the sudden turnabout as weird, but we’ll take it!

We met with our CAS worker, Vanessa's worker, the foster father and his worker. We met for an hour and made a plan that everyone loved.  So, we started things up again!  The foster family were going to have us over.  Everyone was of the plan that if the foster family had us over and we did some fun activity, maybe she'd warm up to us again and we’d get that important rapport back that we had. 

  3 weeks went by, and we never heard from them.  We reached out to our rep and called for a meeting with her. 

  At the meeting, our case worker said Vanessa’s worker and the foster family were having trouble with Vanessa.  Every time they mention adoption, or us (she calls us the 'Parrot People' because the time she was at our home and met our parrot Wizard) she’d go into her room and close the door.  She won't even discuss it with anyone.  And it's not us.  It's the prospect of her leaving the safety of where she is.  They're trying to force it, and it's just making it worse.   She gets her defenses up and won’t listen.  So, we decided we should tell everyone to stop pressuring her into something she's not interested.  It wouldn't be fun to have a 12 year old at our home that truly doesn't want to be there.  Then you get into more behavior problems and possibly runaway type stuff.

  So, again it started, and again it's over.

  If the 'higher-ups' at Children's Aid hadn't gotten ‘scared’ that summer and shut us down, we could have continued with the momentum we had with certainly a different outcome.  They were afraid that us knowing the actual biological mother would complicate things. Only recently they realized it really had nothing to do with everyone's plan of care for Vanessa.  By that time, we'd already lost her.

I still think about her often and wonder how me and my awesome wife would have been able to give her a home and family.

#torontoCAS 

PainPals unite?! (part 3 / update)

  Well, that relief previously discussed was short lived.  Turns out the Gabapentin has some wacky side effects.  Blurred vision, Mood swings, quick to anger, uncoorindation, dizzy spells, low energy, memory loss, increased backpain, depression & suicidal thoughts among them.  All of these I have experienced over teh last few months.

  There are two things I've noticed, over and above that list that have changed in me from this medication.  The first being that I've lost the ability to multitask.  Gone.  And it's more extreme than that.  I can't even hear 2 sounds at once.  I have to mute the tv if Wifey is talking to me (I can't really mute her.)  That's tough only being able to process one sound at a time.

  The other change that's significant is writing.  I've always prided myself with extremely accurate spelling and grammar.  That's gone too.  Friends used to give me their resume to proof read and correct.  Even an executive of a multi-billion dollar company had me check and correct their resume.  Looks like that talent is gone too.

  Take this blog post, for example.  I can't write this directly in the blog because it's so full of errors.  I need to write in in a document and go over it at least 3 times to try to catch all the mistakes before posting.

  Even though I do to those cross checks, errors still get through.  I do this now for everything I write.  Work & personal emails, Facebook posts; everything I type needs to be checked and checked again.

  Last month, while posting for Jack Russell's Great White Facebook page, I wrote "Grand Fuck Railroad", instead of "Grand Funk Railroad".  It passed my checks and I posted it.  The next day, a buddy pointed it out to me and I was horrified.  I corrected it, but the post had already been seen by thousands of people across the world.

  The doctors sent me to a specialist that deals specifically with side effects of Gabapetin, who tells me all these side effects are common and normal.

  He recommended me change the timing of the dosage.  I did, and it made teh pain worse.  I tried that for a month and the pain got worse.  On a recent visit to that same doctor  he said 'Ok, that experiment failed, you can go back to the previous dosage and timing'.   Which I've done, but the pain is still there.    So, now I'm back where I was with the pain, and have these crazy side effects.

  Discussing this with my family doctor, she says it's about balance.  It's about the trade off.  Do I want the pain, or do I want to go crazy?

  Looks like it's both for now.

Emotional Pain Part #1

   Last blog post was about physical pain.  The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to blog about emotional pain.

   So, here we are…

   This is kind of a long story… taking place over the last 8 years.  I’ll try and keep it relatively concise, but I also kinda need the outlet.

   My wife and I always wanted a child, that was part of the plan when we got together.  We bought our house, with the extra room, in hopes that there’d be a child in that extra space.

   Over time, we realized the way to make that happen, was to adopt.  In January 2010, we attended what they call an adoption intake meeting and met Children’s Aid Society personnel and started going through the steps outlined by CAS.  Each step costs money, because of everyone signing off on us and the paperwork involved… the bank, the doctors, the police checks… everything costs money.  Fine.  No problem.   If that’s part of the process, cool, we’ll do it. 

   Then, my wife and I lost our jobs.  The same time, the same day.  As wacky as that sounds, it’s the truth. 

   I contacted our rep and Children’s Aid and explained that we needed to put this adoption process on hold.  We can’t really bring a child into our house with both of us out of work.  So, our file was put on hold until we were able to get our employment situation stabilized.  

   Four months later, we both had new jobs.  I contacted CAS again, and told them the good news.  They reopened our file and we got back into the adoption process. 

   Then my wife got pregnant!  Well, we chatted with our rep again at CAS, it was recommended that we put the adoption process on hold again.  Sadly, that pregnancy ended up in another miscarriage.   I contacted our CAS rep again, to get things rolling again.  Our Children’s Aid representative replied exactly:

   I am so sorry to hear that your wife had a miscarriage and you have my sympathies.  Please take all the time you need and don’t worry about having your file closed.   It really sounds like you have been through a lot lately and understandably need some time.  I will wait to hear from you keeping in mind that you want to complete your probation period and needing time to heal.

   I called her on the phone and asked her if this was the best course of action.  She explained with us losing our jobs, and the miscarriage in a relatively short period of time, we really needed to take time and properly heal before bringing a child into our home.   Ok, that kinda made sense.   Enough with the on again, off again as far as our file was concerned. 

  

   So, after we stabilized our jobs, and healed as best we could, I reached out again to our CAS rep.  Once again, let’s get back on track and really focus on getting this adoption done!

   Our rep replied that our file was closed and we’d have to start all over from the beginning!   Losing any paperwork, money spent and momentum.  Everything gone and having to start all over from scratch.

   To this day, I still haven’t gotten over the fact that our rep, in writing, told us to take a break, take time to heal, and not to worry about having the file closed and then did exactly that, closing our file!   It was their idea to take a break, and then they close the file on us?  Not cool. 

   My wife and I were just really emotionally spent.  Most people wouldn’t understand the emotions we went through during that process.  On again, off again.  Back and forth.   At the time, it was the most emotionally draining time in my life.  We decided, maybe it just ‘wasn’t meant to be’.

   ...and that's where I'll stop the therapeutic note of... let's call this Emotional Pain Part #1 ... to be continued...  

#torontoCAS

PainPals unite?! (part 2 / update)

   Well, last post was regarding some physical pain and the upcoming surgery.  2 weeks before my scheduled surgery, my family doctor asked my if any of these 12 doctors/specialists prescribed a drug called "Gabapentin".  I said no.  She said I might as well try it since surgery is the next thing on the horizon.

  This Gabapentin seems to reduce the pain and frequency by about one-third.  33% relief?  I'll take it.  I still have episodes where the pain gets a little crazy and I limp around like 'Frankenstein's monster'; but less often.  I'll manage for now.