The Art of Listening?

Stop, collaborate and listen!

To test out the ‘waters’ and see if this whole blog thing is something I want to do from time to time; I thought I’d start with one of the things the bothers me everyday.

People don’t listen to each other. People need to rant, vent and discuss! They need an outlet and sometimes just lending an ear can make all the difference. You might be surprised at the difference you can make just by hearing someone out and letting them talk out there issues. Here’s a personal example…

A long time ago, I was playing playing hide-and-seek with a group of kids one evening in a subdivision where I grew up. After a couple of hours, the sun began to set and one by one the kids went home. Some went off because the rule at the time was to be home by sundown; others went in to watch whatever sports were on tv. Me? I still wanted to hang out with friends; I wasn’t quite ready to go home yet. As it turned out, there was one other kid that felt the same as I did. So we stayed at the hide-and-seek home base, which was a big rock on the lawn of another friend’s house.

This kid and I sat down and listened to the sudden quietness of the street, that just minutes before had a dozen or so kids running around and having fun. Now; almost silence. After a few minutes of this, this kid looks at me and says “Dave, do you ever have thoughts about suicide?” I was certainly caught off guard, by his choice of topic, but I assured him I did. To me, I thought those kind of feelings kind of came and went every now and then throughout your childhood years and into your teens. I thought everyone had them. My thoughts came specifically from bullying; but that’s a topic for another day… So, we talked about suicide. I guess what surprised me most about his initial question was that this kid was so popular! The girls all liked him and the guys always wanted him to be on their sports team. First lesson learned that night; even popular kids have suicidal thoughts.

So, we talked and shared those terrible thoughts that as a kid you’re ‘not supposed to’ discuss. When the topic seemed to have ran its course; and asked him if he still had the suicidal thoughts. He assured me he didn’t and thanked me for taking the time to listen to everything he wanted to get off his chest and helping him deal with those thoughts. Second lesson learned that night; listening can make a huge difference to someone who needs to talk.

That was the last time I saw him; as just a few days later he died in a car accident.

It was terrible and sad. For many of us as kids, it would be the first time we had to deal with death. Not to be crude or crass, but when your time on this earth is over; then it’s over. Unfortunately, dying is a part of living. BUT to this day, I’m thankful that kid didn’t take his own life and I was there to listen to him when no one else did. I still feel I made a difference to him.

That’s the first time in my life, that I really felt change. For the following decades I went over the top to make sure I helped out a friend in need. Even if it was just to listen to what they’re going through. I felt that I could make a small difference just by having them rant, vent and discuss what they were going through. Problems with drugs, alcohol, marriages/relationships, abuse, infidelities; whatever the case was, I listened. I enjoyed the helpful feeling at the end of it; the feeling that I possibly made a difference to someone, again.

Over the years life changes, we progress, we move forward, our circle of friends change. I’m still that good listener I was then; I just don’t have the same amount of time to devote to being there for everyone. I’m married. I have a larger extended family and I have issues of my own. I’ll still listen, and I’ll try and be that sounding board you need when I can. Email me, we’ll hook up and have coffee.