As I’ve been looking for work, I’ve had the opportunity to spend a few hours a day helping out a friend who is recovering from a pretty bad car accident. Lately, with the summer weather, I’ve been working outside most days; cutting the grass, some outside repairs, those types of things. In the back corner of the yard is an awesome raspberry patch, where I’ve been harvesting those tasty berries for part of my visit there over the last couple weeks.
One day a couple weeks ago, as I’m working in the patch. I hear the neighbour’s kids just on the other side of the fence, laughing and playing around. Nothing quite like the sound of kids laughing to me. Kinda gives ya the ‘warm fuzzies’. That heart warming feeling that something ‘good’ is going on around you. The kids don’t know I’m there, they can’t see me through the fence. I keep picking away at the raspberry plantation, when suddenly I hear the mother open the back door and say “I didn’t buy that f%*#ing sprinkler for you kids to f%*#ing stand around looking at it! Get in that f%*#ing sprinkler or I’ll take it back to the f%*#ing store!” With that, she closed the door. No more laughing. The kids played in the sprinkler because of the threat, not because it would be fun.
Who talks to their children like that?!
Ok, for the record, I am not a parent, yet; (we’re going through the adoption process) although I do have experience in parenting. I was lucky enough to spend 6 years or so helping a single mom raise her son; giving her an opportunity to advance in her career. So from ages 3 to 9 I was a parent to him. I’ve been told I did a pretty good job on him. To me, it was the most natural thing to read bedtimes stories (it helped me practice French too!) to play with the kid, do homework with him, to encourage and be fascinated as he learns and grows. Being involved. I never once swore at him. Never even crossed my mind. To me, that’s unacceptable behaviour.
Kids don’t come with a handbook, we all know that. We also know that children can be a handful. They can be very trying. My parents can attest to that, they had 6! Kids have that special talent to get on your very last nerve. But to swear like that at your kids? To me, that’s just wrong.
Since then, I’ve heard the same neighbour a few times swearing at the kids. And it’s different kids each time. They’re not all her children. Much like my home in Stouffville growing up, it was like a ‘home-base’ for kids during the summer where there was always something going on. So, at this neighbour’s house, I see children in different age ranges boys and girls in ages that range from probably 7 to 13. One day last week I heard two boys talking after the most recent verbal abuse. “Gee your mom’s hot, too bad she’s such a bitch!” The other kid just said quietly, “Ya, I know.” It’s got to be embarrassing for these kids, (I’m told by my friend that these neighbours have one boy and one girl, everyone else is just hanging out.) I’d love to comment and challenge her; asking her why she talks to her kids (and the neighbourhood kids) like that. But I don’t want to cause any tension or friction between my friends and their neighbours; so I’ll bite my tongue on this one and just use this as my outlet, yet again.
Everyone parents differently. I get that, but doesn’t some natural instinct or at the very least some common sense tell a parent that children are to be encouraged and supported; not demeaned, belittled and verbally abused? I’ve met some amazing parents, and some terrible ones. (just my opinion folks, like I said everyone does it differently) Kids learn by example. When these kids turn into adults and have kids of there own, are these kids going to be swearing at their kids? Very possibly, but I sure hope not.
Hug your kids, you're lucky you have them.
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